Daddy

I want to know why I was never

enough for you. Why you were the man

who was supposed to show me that

I deserved the world, but you showed me

that I needed to grovel for love.

I need you to realize the damage

you caused, to my heart, to my

mind. Now when he asks me to call

him daddy, I ask him to hurt me

in a different way

Nights of You

Nights I turn to you to hold me
but you are not there.
Very quick. Very intense, like a wolf
that even in a bed full of safety
Admiring his cruel beauty
You knew the odds on failure from the start
How many lives ago
was that? How many choices?
I’ve had sex she said
It’s not love, it’s rape

 

line 1 & 2: Luise Glück Gretel in Darkness
line 3: SImone Meunch Wolf Cento
line 4: Rupi Kaur Milk and Honey: The Hurting
line  5:  Kate Daniels Bathing
line 6 :  
Katha Pollitt Archaeology
line 7 & 8: Katha Pollitt Archaeology
line 9 & 10: Rupi Kaur Milk and Honey: The Hurting 

3 cows, 1 stone

The cows
stand under the trees
in the wet grass
lifting their necks to
pull leaves down

We slow the truck
pull over to the
side of the road to watch
them

How graceful they look
How unlike themselves
We get out and
lean on the fence

The cows
don’t seem to notice
we are there.

For the first set, I broke it up this way specifically because i wanted to emphasize the different focusses of each stanza, going from the cow, to the humans, then to the humans, then to the cows again. I ended certain lines enjambed to make the lines seem to make them feel as one continuous idea, instead of having a concrete structure.

The cows stand under the trees,
in the wet grass.
Lifting their necks to pull leaves down

We slow the truck, pull over to the side of the road
to watch them

How graceful they look, how unlike themselves
We get out and  lean on the fence
The cows  don’t seem to notice we are there.

For this set, I broke them up in a way that makes the poem seem less like a poem and more like a story. The lines are longer and have hard stops to make the lines read as completed thoughts as compared to before when I wanted the poem to resemble  one long, continuous stream of thinking. 

The cows stand under the trees,
in the wet grass.
Lifting their necks to pull leaves down

We slow the truck,
pull over
to the side of the road
to watch them.
How graceful they look,
how unlike themselves
We get out
and  lean on the fence

The cows  don’t seem to notice we are there.

I broke this poem up a certain way to put more emphasis on the humans point of view, rather than the cows. I chose to do this by enjambing the lines in which the humans are talking to create a feeling of continuous thinking, while leaving the lines talking about the cows as whole completed thought. 

Similes Experiment

Honey Tears

I felt as though I could never truly leave you
Eighteen hundred seconds away from you
I still felt your clench around my face
As if someone had given a boa callous’
Enamoring myself with you
was like making a pact with Asmodeus
Giving away part of me so that I could have a part of you
Then you needed more
as a shark needs much more than a school
It started slowly
like silent drops on a tin roof
6 calls, 8 calls, 13 missed calls
You clung to me
Like death to the air in a graveyard
Then, as an avalanche does, it grew
into something horrid
I could never escape you
Every corner I turned
I could see ends of your locks, glimmering
like wheat in the sun
Leaving notes on my car, leaving breathy voicemails
made me feel isolated,
but never alone
like the only human on an island

I felt as though I could never truly leave you
Eighteen hundred seconds away from you
I still felt your clench around my face,
Like all was void minus your fingers
Enamoring myself with you
was like a constant dance with Baal
Giving away part of me so that I could have a part of you
Then you needed more
Like the first hunt to an ceaseless
It started slowly
Like the way you slip into a hot bath, fully aware yet uncaring
6 calls, 8 calls, 13 missed calls
You clung to me
as an elder clings to their last breath
Then, as an infection, it grew
into something
I could never escape you
Every corner I turned
I could see ends of your locks, glowing
like doll
Leaving notes on my car, leaving breathy voicemails
made me feel isolated,
but never alone
Like standing on one end of a two-way mirror

The Next Thing Always Belongs

The Appalachian mountains turn their faces
Hearing the echoes of rage and of yearning
Stark naked in the middle of a crowd are when
Goosebumps arise, when emotion is prime
As inviting as a steamy  window
Enamored with the bare bones
Who knew it would come to this
Everyone thought it would last
I want to wipe it out,
If only one could erase a person, as
A panther can stalk backwards
You will never taste apple chips the same
“That’s frickd”
To understand that an intimate action can tear you apart
It is worse to be coiled in layers than to be exposed
Or is it?
If possible, the work bench should be destroyed
I am sure grandpa would understand
When he sees the dissolution of ambition
I can’t stop regretting the drive
If only you could feel the calluses of your own hands
Sweat, grips, and moans
Eponine to Marius
The white pine needles have never stuck to a tent skin so well
It will now be erased

First Journal Entry

Taste: honeysuckle, rum, river water, strawberry gum, blood, lemon slice, metal fork, paint water, coconut, gin,  spinach,  sweat, black coffee,  pencil lead, menthol

Touch: humidity, wet denim, callus, stove top, broken leather, silky, goosebumps, tattoo needle, brick, porcelain tub, cat whiskers, shark skin, crisp linen, stubble, sweaty skin

Smell: vanilla, tattoo tincture, clorox, pre-storm, sea air, hot dog water, city smog, eucalyptus, melted cheese,  sterilized tools, campfire, pine, newborn baby, wet dog,  emptied house

Hearing: cricket, fire crackle, frog song,  match, tattoo needle, leaf crunch, brooke babble, tree rustle, cello, wail, ripped cotton, bone crack, cork pop, heel click, creaking floorboard

Sight: cliff edge, shark underbelly, campfire, oil on canvas, goldleaf, satin, annotated page, full notebook, still snow, bruise, thumbprint, bowl of chia, neon sign, red walls, dog eared page

Action/ Motion: gunshot, engine ignition, panther,  Catholic mass, Billy Joel, Strange Fruit, outlets, I Have a Dream, waves, zipping

Abstractions: fear, yearn, fury

Anything else:  white wire frame , blue ink, dirty shoelace, pizza crust, yellow, gold jewelry, black satin

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